Hello there! I'm Fraulein Helga and I'm Colonel Klink's secretary. Fraulein Hilda has today off. You'll usually find one of us here, but you shouldn't come in here without Colonel Hogan's permission.
You aren't by any chance here to fix the locks on the file cabinets, are you? They are broken and I can't lock up the important files that you prisoners aren't supposed to see. You know, things like correspondence with Captain Dingle in supply about things we need to improve our Webstalag and reports to General Burkhalter in Berlin about what we've been doing.
Now, I have to go take a letter for the Kommandant. You be a good prisoner and promise me you won't go near the unlocked file cabinets. You know, the ones over there by that wall that contain top secret Luftwaffe memos that would not fit into the Kommandant's safe.
